Why have i stopped writing as much as I used to? Is it because I don’t have much to write about anymore? is it because i don’t get as much time as i used to? I mean yeah, my job has changed from being purely sitting in front of a desk for 8 hours a day to running around and not being in front of a computer all day, so that could be a contributing factor no?

If I’m being truly honest, it’s a combination of all of the above and also the fact that I came to censor myself after I wrote a blog post and it affected people in a way I had not really foreseen. I  struggled a lot with whether I was in the wrong or not, and felt pretty bad about potentially hurting someone’s feelings, but then i thought long and hard about stuff, and came to the conclusion – (a couple of years later might I add) that actually, me writing about my feelings and what affects me is what I’ve been doing all my life and as long as I am transparent and open about my intentions and I keep the blog about myself (which i am wont to do) while not invading anyone else’s privacy, I’m FINE. 

I mean, how else do artists SURVIVE if not to write about their feelings/ experiences or draw inspiration from them at some point or the other? I mean, look at Beyoncé for example, she wrote Lemonade, and since then it’s only been speculation that she and Jay Z were going through stuff, but she named no names, she just drew inspiration from how she was feeling at that moment in time and the result was a stellar freaking album which resounded with a lot of people who were going through the same stuff – obviously Jay Z caught the shorter end of the stick since he got a lot of shit based off that one album, but did they’re still together right? and she’s still creating stellar content and so is he and they support each other!

I’m not saying I’m Beyoncé or an artist or anything, but I am an individual, who writes/ maintains a blog, that blog is my safe space – I mean fine, pretty stupid safe space because once I publish something and it’s out in a public domain, people have the right to have opinions about what I write and I have no control over HOW people read what I am writing – but still, it’s mine. 

I didn’t even realize I was censoring myself – but every time I would sit down and try and write something, I would find myself being like, oh… maybe I can’t write this particular thing because it refers to X or Y or Z etc etc and then i would just stop writing. It got me wondering, how unique are our experiences really? while you draw inspiration from a particular experience you are having, does that pertain ONLY SPECIFICALLY to you? how does the success of Lemonade make sense? sure, Beyonce was writing about HER feelings, from HER experiences, HER pain and HER struggle, but while Yes, it’s only HERS, don’t a million other people also go through similar experiences?

IF everyone were as chicken shit as me, and bothered so much about what people would think or say or do based on what they wrote, the world would be a hella dull place. I’ve grown from my experiences and if the same thing was to happen today, I’m pretty sure my response would have been completely different to the one i had years back.

I’m done with self censoring.



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