July 29, 2013 | kirin
I’ve been single for over two years now and I have enjoyed the time I got to spend with myself. A lot of people equate being single with bitterness and loneliness and a host of other fairly undesirable traits, but I don’t view it as any of those. In fact there will be people who will think, Oh look at this poor girl, she’s writing this article as a means of justifying her single status to make herself feel better :D
Of course being in a relationship has its perks – the holding hands, the being loved, action on demand (not all the time, but at least the option is there right? :P) always having someone to do things with, exploring your city, cuisines, your sexuality … I could go on and on.
Being in a relationship seems to get equated with “being wanted”, “being desirable”, “being needed” but all of these are only possible with the existence of another person. I can’t really speak for everyone else, but in my experience, you define yourself with respect to another. This is all well and good, but what happens over a long period of time – of either being in a loooong relationship or one relationship after another with no break in between – is that you tend to get a bit confused and lost about your own identity. There’s nothing WRONG with that of course… it’s completely natural.
Your identity is usually defined with respect to other people – your parents, siblings, friends everyone so it’s no surprise that you evolve as a person with respect to the relationships you have with other people – romantic or platonic.
One of the major reasons I’ve enjoyed my time with myself is the fact that I’ve had the time to really figure myself out as a person. What my likes and dislikes are in terms of music, food, books, movies without wondering whether my choices would lead to someone else’ approval or disapproval (I know it seems silly, but sometimes, you want to like the same things as your significant other – even if in reality you can’t stand them)
You are the only person who will know yourself COMPLETELY. All different sides of you… There are things you may like about yourself and things you may not like about yourself. No other person will ever know YOU better. Spending time with yourself makes you aware of what exactly these traits are. You come to an understanding about what you want from a relationship and also from life.
I’m “KIRIN – that mental girl.” Or “Kirin – the one who makes earrings” or “Kirin the one who has a love affair with the ground and keeps falling every now and then..” not simply “Kirin – X’s Girlfriend”. I am defined by what I do – not by who I am dating.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a different charm to being associated with another person. But there is altogether another one in falling madly and completely in love with oneself.